love makes seman taste better
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
