My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still have a little drunk in my system
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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