Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
