There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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