He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
