If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize