you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
