I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
