So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
