Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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