I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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