question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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