I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
