I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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