there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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