I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
