Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
