I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
