I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
