so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
