What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
