So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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