im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
