i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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