Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Randomize
