New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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