Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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