o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
