Non-Jews are for practice
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
