I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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