I'm jealous of your bromance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
