But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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