sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
