I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
