You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
