Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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