I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
