So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize