last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
