On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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