I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
