I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
