when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
