your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Who died my cat blue again?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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