stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
