not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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