I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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