Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
