I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
