I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
