I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
