Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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