they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
