blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
