i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
