yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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