i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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