I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
