Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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