I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
