trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
