gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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