Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
