piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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