Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
