I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
...so i touched it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just had sex on a roof
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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