Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you had me at cake vodka
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
