we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
MIDGETS
????
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
