I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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