New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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