So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I won't apologize to a one balled man
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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