My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
