Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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