I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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