i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
