hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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