omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize