i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
