Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
