I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
