I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
