The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize