I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
