Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize