just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found puke in my bra..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
