Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
