i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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