I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
