Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
