It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
