Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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