Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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