i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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