I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
