her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm too high and old for this...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
