I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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