normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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