I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You left your phone here
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