Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
