He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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