I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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