do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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